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La Campagne Tropicana Island Beach Resort: Nigeria's Answer To Turks & Caicos...Sheer Bliss!!!
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March 08, 2014

Feminine Hygiene: Extensive Tips...The Whole Hog!!! (MUST READ)

Hi guys,

This is the first time I am blogging this year. I have been crazy busy for the past 9 months writing a very important project, and I try not to get distracted when I am in this mode. I am composing a 'Highlights Of 2013' post next in which I will fill you in as much as I can on a few things that I had no time to blog about. I have hardly had time for blogs also, but occasionally glance through some of my favourite ones when I can. I just stumbled across a video that Toke Makinwa made (below) about keeping the vagina healthy and I have mad respect for her for broaching the 'taboo' subject, albeit in a tongue in cheek manner.

This is a very serious topic, so I have decided to take time off my very busy schedule to continue from where Toke stopped and tackle it. I absolutely cannot stand dirty or unhygienic people and never forget my 'encounters' with such people. As embarrassing as this may seem, ladies, this cannot be ignored, so please pay careful attention to my hygiene tips below; I will try to be as detailed as I can. 

(1). The vagina is not supposed to have an offensive odour. If it does, please visit your gynaecologist, for you most likely have an infection. 

(2). Please do not wash your vagina with perfumed soaps, Femme Fresh etc and do not douche; or else you will get Bacterial Vaginosis (BV) and although it is not sexually transmitted, it stinks like rotten fish. When using soap to wash your backside and around the vagina etc, be careful not to allow soap into the vagina. Rinse the soap off first, then use water and Aqueous cream to wash your vagina. Aqueous cream is very cheap and can be found in all pharmacies in London...pharmacies in Nigeria should have them too.

(3). First of all, try and form the habit of doing a number two before you have your shower and in your own environment/comfort zone. NEVER EVER do a number two and use dry tissue to wipe and pull your knickers back up and feel like it's all good! Gosh! Wash your bottom very well with soap and water EVERY TIME you do a number two. I don't trust wipes to do the same job; they should only be used in emergency situations and if you're not at home, you shouldn't be comfortable until you go home and wash. If you are in a hurry and don't have time to undress, then sit across your bathtub and use your shower nozzle to wash...the same way you sat on the toilet to do your business...so it shouldn't be that hard.

(4). After peeing, please don't just wipe with dry tissue. After wiping yourself, please wet some tissue with water and wipe again. 

(5). When you're on your period, try and wash every time you change your sanitary pads or at least three times a day...you no need angry craw craw to add to the already annoying 'bloody' discomfort...abi? Ehen!

(6). Shave shave shave...as in korede (gorimakpa)! At least once a month...maybe after your period. Please I beg you, shave! Okay, for people that don't really want to be too clean shaven, trim down very well. Don't mind those freaky men that get turned on by all sorts of unhygienic ish...if he tells you to keep a bush and you smell of stale urine, he will be the same one to poke jibes at you. Sex isn't meant to be dirty IMO, so he can find a villager to fulfil his unhygienic desires.

Now for underarm odours...or as my friend puts it...those that smell dimkpa dimkpa (whatever that means, lol):

(1). The first rule is to always keep your underarms clean shaven.

(2). After you shower, use a good deodorant...I recommend Sure and if you are extra sweaty, use Sure roll on first and when it dries, use Sure spray again. It is very unattractive to have underarm sweat patches and I believe following this particular advice can prevent them.

Finally, to prevent mouth odours:

(1). If you have closed teeth like myself, then you MUST floss everyday or ban meat from your diet if you don't want your mouth to smell like SHIT. Floss before you brush and pass water through your teeth to ensure that no food particles are left.

(2). Scrape your tongue very well until you can even see how clean it looks.

(3). Brush teeth and tongue very well with a good fluoride toothpaste and keep passing water through your teeth as you do so and gargle.

(4). Gargle with a good mouthwash and pass through your teeth.

Don't forget your hair too. Keep it nice, clean and sweet smelling.

If you practice all these hygiene tips and any part of your body emits an offensive odour, conk me ten times wherever you see me! Ehen...now you can go off and buy the most expensive Gucci bags and you will not be yabbed by me...(okay that was a Pinocchio)...erm...NOT! Lol.

Have a nice hygienic weekend all!!! ;) 

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